sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Houston, we have a squirter
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
