"it" just moved
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
