I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
