I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
