There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
