it wasn't lemon gatorade
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
