No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
