Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
