Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
