Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
