it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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