Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
