so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
