so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
