I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
