He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
