I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
