it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
