Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
