He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
