I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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