I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
