we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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