I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I cut my penus on the lid.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
