Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
