yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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