Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
