their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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