i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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