i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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