I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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