Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
