Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize