The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize