i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
