If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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