I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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