i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
