put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
