yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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