So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
