im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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