Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
