I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They took my balls.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
