guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
