Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
