Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
