The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize