DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
