I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
