My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
