so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my liver is dry heaving
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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