All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
