im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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