Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I see more hoeing in ur future
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