I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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