You really coming over, don't trick.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
