no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
