He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
