Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
