I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
