I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Randomize
