some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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