yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
