I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
