The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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