I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
