Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
