the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
