you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
