toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
