I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
