when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
