Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
