the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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